November 4, 2010

Sixteen Weeks

I'm just over sixteen weeks along in this second pregnancy, and I had an appointment today with the doctor. I'm so reassured to hear the baby's heartbeat, especially since I'm not feeling any movement yet. And, the worst can and does happen to folks: At their appointment there's no heartbeat. I don't think I irrationally fear this happening, but I definintely think about it, especially in the days before my appointments.

I ponder how (I think) I'll feel if I get bad news and how (I think) I'll act or react. Perhaps playing the horrible scenario in my thoughts is my way of trying to control a bad situation. I do like to control things, and I also like to be prepared. I guess a "thought-rehearsal" is my way of preparing. But just a few moments into my hear-no-heartbeat "thought-rehearsal," I had to shake myself out of it. It was too bleak to think about.

Now that I've had my checkup, and everything is going fine, I'll relax and be thankful for good news at this appointment. My next appointment in four weeks will include an ultrasound, and we'll know whether Baby Morgan is a boy or a girl. Claire is hoping for a girl, though I think Mr. Morgan and I wouldn't mind having another boy. December 2 is my appointment day: The countdown is on.

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